


Inside Out

by tanginaly



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Pining Keith (Voltron), Slow Burn, implied skinship, mostly just Keith's thoughts, this was mostly done for character study purposes ngl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-13
Updated: 2016-11-13
Packaged: 2018-08-30 18:54:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8545183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tanginaly/pseuds/tanginaly
Summary: He had one code: Never engage first. However, Keith had deliberately broken that code for a grand total of three times.One, when he got himself booted from the Garrison.Two, when he saved Shiro from the Garrison crew.And three, when he started flirting with Lance. He can't say he regretted it though.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly just wanted to apply my recent character studies and it just so happened that I was feeling melancholic when I wrote this. It also didn't help that I had the songs Inside Out and Angels on loop lmao.
> 
> If you guys are interested about adding some mood music while reading:  
> > Inside Out by The Chainsmokers feat. Charlee - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oygNmMISdC0  
> > Angels by The xx - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nW5AF0m9Zw
> 
> Also fair warning, this might be very text heavy to some readers and there is a significant lack of dialogue (though there are some). I hope you enjoy this!

Keith had one code: Never engage first.

That one code basically explains the entirety of his personality. It was simple, he doesn’t provoke and he never makes the first move. It’s basically the one thing that keeps all of his impulsive tendencies in control. If not, it’s his loophole. If he doesn’t engage first then he’s not the one at fault. If he doesn’t engage first then he’s not completely to blame.

However, that doesn’t mean he won’t retaliate.

Keith was no pushover and he made sure everyone knew that. His foster care family, his bullies, his classmates, and even Iverson himself. Keith made sure that everybody knew that he was, in no way, someone to be messed with. If you so even try to test him, he will make sure to grind your bones into the dust and make you eat your own words. He will show you exactly _who_ is on top and just _who_ is in charge.

He will never engage first. He refuses to be the catalytic point of things. If anything, Keith would be the chain reaction that follows.

And he relishes in the satisfaction that comes with it.

His code doesn’t apply to battle tactics, however. It exists for the sole reason of keeping himself together– to keep him grounded on normal situations. But in battle, that rule is thrown out the window.

It’s up to circumstance then, what move will assure him his victory. If he has to make the first move to defeat the enemy then so help him God, he will do it. If he would have to provoke them first to gain control over their emotions (if they even have any) and movements, then so be it.

After all, means of victory comes before personal reservations in war.

Under normal circumstances however, Keith could admit that he had deliberately broken that code for a grand total of three times.

One, when he got himself booted from the Garrison despite being the top fighter pilot of his batch.

Two, when he saved Shiro (though was joined by a couple others) from the Garrison crew.

And three, when he started flirting with Lance.

Lance was… Well, you could say he was the textbook definition of the word ‘dense’. Despite having amazing aim and a killer shot, he was the least perceptive person in their crew of seven.

He was thick-headed, was more or less blissfully ignorant 60% of the time, can _not_ read the atmosphere for the life of him, too caught up in their self-imposed rivalry, and was so far gone in his arrogant, egotistical _crap–_ woah there, too far.

Don’t get him wrong, Keith didn’t hate him. Hell, he wouldn’t be flirting with the guy if that was all he saw in him. Though Lance acted like he was the bane of all women and a generally narcissistic ass, he still had his redeeming qualities and honestly? That outweighed all of the shit Keith had to put up with so far.

Lance was actually a pretty nice guy if you get through the seemingly shallow exterior. He goaded Keith, sure, but he never made him feel excluded. In fact, Lance did the total opposite.

Keith knew his type well– at least, he thought he did. Lance had thankfully proven him wrong on that one. Either way, Keith had expected Lance to bully him.

Not the playground bully kind, no, but the horrible, soul-sucking, _disgustingly manipulative_ kind of bullying where they shape you to self-destruct at any given moment. How? They would isolate you, make you feel unwelcomed. They would make it seem like you didn’t belong anywhere, not even in your safe space.

Keith was all too familiar with that trope and Lance, with the way he goaded Keith and constantly antagonized him, just seemed like the type who would do it.

And he could have.

In comparison to him, Lance had better relationships with the rest of the paladins, including Allura and Coran (though the former might be more case sensitive). He could have easily hoarded them and left no room for Keith. Basically, do the basic peer manipulation that Keith had grown familiar with over the years.

Granted, Keith knew he could count on Shiro or Hunk to include him in bonding activities, but he still expected that kind of hostility from Lance.

However, he received none of that. Sure, he got the usual ‘no one asked for your opinion, mullet’ and ‘whatever it is, it’s Keith’s fault’ but it rarely had any heat. Not once did Lance make Keith feel like he didn’t want him there, like he didn’t belong.

Never did he utter ‘Why the hell is _he_ here?’ even once– not even in jest, and Lance had no idea just how much Keith appreciated that.

If anything, Lance was engaging and constantly demanded Keith’s full attention. See, Lance was an engager. He _always_ engaged Keith first. He was quick to challenge him about anything and everything, even the most ridiculous things like who could finish 20 shots of nunvule first without gagging or vomiting right after.

He had _no concept or whatsoever_ of personal space and was constantly in Keith’s face. It happened so often that Keith’s initial annoyance towards Lance’s constant invasion of his personal bubble became something similar to endearing.

In their more civil interactions– or as Lance would put it, when he didn’t really hate him then, they actually found themselves joking around with each other or just hanging out, enjoying the other’s presence (‘Shocking, I know’ Pidge had said way too many times).

Before, they sat across each other on opposite couches. Then it progressed and they would be sitting on the same couch, though there was still a considerable amount of space between them.

At some point, Lance found himself sprawled all over Keith’s lap while Keith read his book, absent-mindedly stroking Lance’s hair. It was surprisingly intimate– domestic even. It was weird because Keith hadn’t even gotten this comfortable with Shiro but with Lance, it just felt natural.

It just felt right to have his fingers comb through his short hair while Lance hummed at the ministrations, eventually falling asleep to it.

To his surprise, everyone else usually left them alone during those types of scenes.

(“It kinda felt really private, you know? Like I’m walking in on you guys or something, seeing something I shouldn’t be seeing,” Hunk had told him.

“Hunk, it’s not like we’re having sex in the common room or anything.” Keith replied. He remembered the way Hunk’s cheeks flushed a deep shade of red at the statement as he cleared his throat.

“Yeah, but… you know what? Scrap that thought, I’m sticking to my first statement. Just do me a favor and take care of him.”

“What’s _that_ supposed to mean?”

“You’ll figure it out.” He hummed before returning his attention to his repairs of the Yellow Lion. Keith still had no idea what he meant by that.)

If he was being completely honest, he doesn’t mind that they left them alone though. It made him feel like it was something that only he and Lance shared. Something special.

He knew he shouldn’t get too ahead of himself though. Keith had a sinking feeling that Lance was like this with nearly anyone who would let him. However, the mauling feeling in his gut when the thought crossed his mind told him otherwise.

It was when he glanced down from his book to look at Lance’s sleeping face when he got the answer he didn’t know he was looking for. It came in two thoughts.

One was that Lance looked peaceful and content as he laid there Keith’s lap, fast asleep.

Two was that he loved him.

The thought surprised Keith, to be honest. It came out of nowhere and with so much clarity too. It wasn’t a simple infatuation or something born out of being deprived of human contact outside their current group.

He loved him. There was no doubt about it.

The question now was what he was going to _do_ about it.

Keith knew he needed to establish himself to Lance that he wasn’t on the same tier as the rest of the paladins. Well, technically he already wasn’t. Keith knew very well of how Lance had appointed him as his rival. But as his _friend_ (he swears to God, if Lance denies him of that title when he has been sleeping on Keith’s lap, Keith was going to slam the bitch hard on asphalt), he needed to make himself stand out from the others.

However, if Keith makes the first move, he breaks his code. But if he waits for Lance (which in this case feels a lot like gambling with fate because there’s a high possibility that he doesn’t feel the same way), he might as well wait for the day they defeat the entire Galran Empire to come first. Not that he wasn’t optimistic, Keith had just accepted that it could possibly take _years_ to do that and if worse comes to worst, perhaps a new set of paladins.

But if he breaks his code, he would risk losing this, having Lance be so comfortable and affectionate with him. He will have to take complete responsibility for destroying what they had going just because he wanted more.

Keith wasn’t sure if he wanted that. He already liked the security their current friendship

(“You’re the most intuitive man I know. Just go with what your gut tells you.”

“Shiro, my gut is exactly what got me booted from the Garrison from the first place.”

“But if you didn’t get booted –which by the way, we still need to talk about– you wouldn’t have found the blue lion and we wouldn’t be here.”

“I don’t even know if that’s a good thing.”

“Believe me, it is.”

Shiro would tell him much later that if it weren’t for his lack of inhibition, he would have become the Garrison’s personal lab rat and that the Earth would have become another one of Galra’s colonies. Keith then decides that yes, it was definitely a good thing.)

He needed some time off Lance after that.

It’s not that he was avoiding him, he just needed some time for himself. He had to figure some things out, sort out his thoughts as well as his priorities. And with Lance around all the time, Keith found himself unable to do just that. More often than not, he would be so overwhelmed by affection that he would just live in that moment to even consider plotting his next move.

Keith found that Lance was definitely a force to be reckoned with. He was a personality that worms its way into your life and just stays like a god damn fixture. Keith had to recount what it was like and what he used to do when he spent his days all by himself.

It didn’t help that Lance was almost always everywhere he went. At the training room, the common room, the dining room, the kitchen, the star deck, _everywhere._ At one point, Keith just holed himself up in his room unless he was needed for training practice or at meal times.

That didn’t work either. He later found out that Lance had been actively seeking him out when the devil himself just barged into Keith’s room like he owned the place and promptly propped himself on top of his thighs.

That went on for a while longer. Keith trying to avoid ~~Lance~~ public areas only to have the blue paladin waltz into his room and just demand for his attention there.

(“Look, if I’m making you uncomfortable, just tell me okay? I know I’m a jerk but I’m not an ass.”

“It’s fine, I just want to be alone at times.”

“… Do you want to be alone right now?”

A pause.

“No.”)

However, Keith was stubborn. Keith stuck to his code like a gecko on a surface. It was weird because he normally didn’t have to think long and hard about breaking his rules. He just did when he needed to– when his gut-feeling _told_ him to. But this time, he literally couldn’t distinguish what his gut was telling him. It wouldn’t give him a clear ‘yes or no’ answer to his ‘should I or should I not?’ question.

But just one look at Lance and his chest swelled with love, so much that it was painful. He didn’t even know he was capable of caring for someone so much that it was on a completely different level.

What made it worse was that he felt like a total _ass_ for feeling so. The rush of possessiveness, wanting to be the one to protect him, relishing in the idea that he was the only one who could satisfy him, it was absolutely _ridiculous._

As much as he didn’t like to admit it, it was starting to get in the way of their dynamics. Keith would barely allow Lance to throw in some shots against the gladiators during team training, he was constantly on Blue’s tail, deliberate ignoring Shiro and Allura’s orders and risking the whole mission just so he could make sure that Lance was alright.

The entire team had called him out on it including Lance, except he got the wrong idea. In fact, in fact the whole team had gotten the wrong idea.

They thought Keith underestimated him and didn’t trust him at all, and did Lance have a lot to say about the matter.

(“Keith, I know you care about him but if you keep babying him like this, he’s never going to grow and it’s not like you’re going to be around forever.” Allura had told him when Lance walked out the room after he finished his piece. “Trust him a bit more. He’s actually very capable as a paladin.”)

None of them even had time to breathe when a series of battles came after. They were in space for some time, piloting their lions as they battled an armada of Galran ships day after day. They all took shifts, sleeping in their cockpits, retrieving supplies from the castle and regrouping in a nearby moon to distribute their rations and aid kits.

Keith never had the opportunity to talk to Lance in between battles, and the blue paladin didn’t seem like he was up for conversation either.

The team was no stranger to these types of missions, one that went on for days with barely any breaks. Coran had even joked that it was a good thing because they should be sick of each other at this point and that variety was a good thing.

However, they could communicate via intercoms straight away, so they never really missed each other. And Keith… well, Keith _missed_ Lance.

He missed him so much that his heart gnawed painfully against his chest. Lance wouldn’t speak to him, barely even responding to his jabs or pathetic attempts at jokes. (“Lance, you're missing out. This is A+ nihilistic humor, right here.” Pidge had mused.)

It didn’t help that their situation wouldn’t allow them to form Voltron because if they did, they would have less hands on the case. One giant robot with a sword –slash– blaster against an entire army of Galrans is not exactly what you would call a feasible battle strategy.

 Keith missed the comfort of Lance’s presence. He hated the way his chest swelled with ache instead of love. He hated the distance. He hated it all.

The battle had taken a darker turn. The green lion was out of commission and there was no way to form Voltron. Pidge had to return to the castle so that Coran could perform repairs on their lion and they could recover their injuries in the Healing Pod.

And there it was, the unease. Keith was terrified of losing this battle– of losing someone to this battle. His instincts had gone haywire and not even Red’s rumbling eased his growing panic. His fighting had become more reckless, he was taking more shots and landing even less. Keith was fighting two wars now, one on the battlefield and another in his mind.

They had been in the midst of what might have been the most intense fight they ever had. No one knew if they were going to make it out in one piece, alive, with a complete crew of seven.

But nothing registered in his head anymore. He couldn’t feel Shiro, Hunk… Lance. It had felt like he was completely alone.

All it took was one word and a flash of blue. The impact had shaken him out of his reverie and he immediately regained his senses.

Keith.

It was his name. Lance had said his name.

And that was all it took to pull him back to reality. They were still here, they were fighting this war together. They were _alive._

(“Lance.”

“What?”

“Will you marry me?” He had asked over the intercom.

Everyone else had gone quiet, even Allura paused in the middle of her orders. Despite the explosions and the lasers, there was a pin drop silence as they waited for Lance’s response.

“Asshole, at least take me to dinner first.”

There was a hint of humor in Lance’s voice when he replied and Keith heaved a sigh of relief. He hadn’t even realized that he was holding his breath.

“Fine.” Keith said, a smirk curling on his lips, “Would you go to dinner with me?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”)

Keith liked to think that he never had broken his code, however. That Lance engaged first by slamming his lion against his and calling out to him. Lance, however, liked to argue that Keith had been the first to change the game by asking him out in the middle of battle.

But with Lance sleeping soundly by his side, a soft snore escaping his lips, Keith would trace the ring on Lance’s finger and decide that it really didn’t matter who engaged who first.

Keith would take full responsibility of them no matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this! Please don't forget to leave a comment below to tell me what you think. :)


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